You Are the Reason (A. Matthews)
I sigh, shutting the door of mine and Austons shared apartment behind me. I’m dead tired from the evening out with the rest of the girlfriends and wives of the Leafs and sigh against the door.
I try to smile, thinking about the fun we had all together, because it was really fun. But after the fact, I can’t really focus on that. All that’s on my mind is the fact that I look so much different from the rest of the Wags, and that I don’t look anything like any of Auston’s ex-girlfriends. I shake my head and make my way to the washroom connected to our bedroom to wash off the makeup I had on, although most of it is probably off by this time.
I place my stuff on the bed and go into the bathroom. I make a face at myself in the mirror and tie my hair into a loose knot at the back of my head and put on a headband to keep the hair away from my face. I lean forward and study my face for a moment. My nose is too big, my lips are too thick, my eyebrows are too bushy. My eyes are too green.
I stare at my reflection for another second before leaning forward into the sink to wash my face. I splash water on myself and take a makeup wipe to take off anything that stayed on. Once everything is off, I remove the headband and begin to strip off my clothes to take a shower.
I remove the flowy shirt I was wearing to reveal my soft tummy. I study the reflection shortly, the image in the mirror unappealing. I continue to take off my clothes, undoing my bra and stepping out of my leggings. I’m left in just my underwear and I strip that off, too. I stare at myself in the mirror, hating the reflection. I place my hands over my breasts, one much bigger than the other, although both are too large for my liking.
I place my hands over my stomach, turning sideways in the mirror. The slight bulge upsets me. I’ve never been able to shed it off, and I’ve always hated that. I move my hand to my thighs, where there is no gap until my shins. I turn around and stare at my bum in the mirror. I put my hands on either side of my waist and simply stare at it. Everything about me is disgusting.
I turn back around and grip the counter as tears begin to fall from my face. I look myself over once more and shake my head. Why would Auston love me? I’m not blonde with a beautiful body and a perfect complexion. I’m still much younger than him, at 19 years old. Tears begin to fall harder. I don’t deserve his love. As soon as Auston and I got together, the media and fans began laughing about me. They mocked me for not looking like the other NHL girlfriends and said Auston was just doing it as charity.
I stare at myself in the mirror, tears running down my face and neck. It’s all true. He’s dating me out of pity, not because I’m beautiful, or because he loves me. It’s because I could never be with somebody. The longer I stare at myself, the worse I feel. My hands and legs start to shake out of my control, and I turn to rest my bum against the counter and tuck my face into my hands as I begin to sob. I hear the door open and shut, and Auston calls my name. I shake my head, but the tears refuse to stop.
He knocks on the door to the bathroom and when I don’t answer he lets himself in. “Hey, baby! How was your- Y/N are you crying? Baby,” he starts toward me, but I stick my arms out in front of me.
“Auston-“ I sob, and when he tries again to wrap me into his arms once more, I don’t stop him. He holds me against him tight, my head tucked under his chin as he smooths his hand over my hair. He doesn’t say anything for a while, until my sobs turn into silent tears. Then he pulls away just enough to look at me. “Did anyone do anything? Was it Steph? Or Kat? I know-“
I shake my head. “No, Auston, I had a great time.” I bring my hands up to my face to wipe away my tears, and Auston grabs one of my hands to hold it against his chest, so I feel his steady heartbeat.
“What’s wrong, baby? You can talk to me.” He whispers gently.
I shut my eyes tight and shake my head. He pulls me against him again, understanding I’m not steady enough to speak. He holds me tight, and in his embrace the world is okay. “Okay, okay, um,” I say against his chest after a few minutes. My hands are still shaking, but I need to talk to him.
“Auston, I’m ugly.” I refuse to look at him as I speak, so I stare at the floor, at the wall next to him, at the door behind him. “I don’t look anything like anyone you’ve been with before, or like Stephanie or Kat or any of the other girls. I’m fat and ugly and gross and you shouldn’t love me.”
I glance up at him, and the look on Auston’s face makes my heart stop. He looks broken, like he has a million things to say, but none at all. “Y/N,” he says breathily. “That’s bullshit!” He yells, and licks his lips. I wince away at the loudness, but he pulls me close to him again. His eyebrows lace together in frustration, and his eyes are glossy and droopy with sadness. This is not the reaction I was expecting to receive.
“Y/N, you are the most beautiful, sexy, smart, kind, loving, strong, amazing girl I’ve met in my life.” I open my mouth to speak, but he puts his hand up to continue. “Listen to me. You are fucking gorgeous, okay?” He puts his hands on my waist, and the touch sends sparks up my body. He slowly slides them up, holding them against my stomach, coming to rest lightly against my chest. “You are beautiful,” he says, staring into my eyes.
He moves his hands down my body again, wrapping them around the small of my back and pulling me close to him. “You are fucking insanly gorgeous. Everytime I look at you I’m in shock that I could end up with a girl like you. So no, you don’t look like the other girls,” he says with a disgusted look on his face. “You are beautiful, the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.” I rest my head against his shoulder, my face cradled in the crook of his neck. “I love you, gorgeous.”
“I love you too.” I whisper against his neck. I lift my head to look at him and he caresses my chin to pull me into a kiss.
“I’m going to run ya a warm bath, okay?” I grin slightly at him and nod. “Okay,” he grins. “On the condition that you never forget how insanely gorgeous you are, because you’re fucking beautiful, babe.”
I kiss him again and lean against the edge of the tub. “It sounds like you won’t let me forget.” I joke. He chuckles gently, and I feel warm inside. As the water begins running, he moves toward me with purpose and boxes me in against the tub, a hand on either side of my waist.
“I won’t, baby.” He kisses me passionately and I wrap my arms around his neck and press my body against his. “Okay, okay,” he says, pulling back, “if you do this I we won’t even make it into the tub.” He jokes, his eyes sparkling.
I lick my lips and kiss him once more. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
A/N: This was requested a little while ago. I had one already written out but I didn’t like it and so I never posted it. I rewrote it and feel a lot better about this one. I’m so sorry for the long wait so here you go. I hope you like it!
word count: 1,452
The bye week in the middle of the season was always my favorite for some reason. Auston and would go on vacation get away from hockey for a week. I would have him all to myself. Even though I know he is keeping up on highlights of the game that are still going on, I didn’t mind though.
This year’s bye week Steph and I thought it would be a good idea to do a double date kind of bye week. The four of us, Steph, Mitch, Auston, and I, go away hang out relax a bit. The guys, however, didn’t like the idea that much but once they started thinking about it they were on board and were planning things to do.
We pulled up to the cabin that we would be staying at for the week. It was a two-story cabin with a bunch of windows and an amazing view of the mountains and the lake. Normally bye weeks vacation we go to the beach or something but why not change it up a bit.
“This place looks wonderful Steph.” I step out to admire the cabin and the view. I saw Auston grabbing my bags I try to help but he told me no and to go check out the inside. I gave him a kiss on the cheek and when to open the front door, with Steph right on my tail.
“As soon as I saw this place I knew I had to book it and I’m glad I did just for this view check this out Y/N,” I walked up behind her. I looked out the window she was. The lake was right in the backyard with the mountains. The dock had a boat that the renters said we could use if we wanted.
“Matts look at that view,” We both turned around and see Mitch and Auston putting the bags down.
“Which one?” Auston smiled at me.
“Well my girlfriend of course,” We all laughed while Mitch walked over to Steph and wrapped his arms around her. “Let’s go check out the dock,” Mitch said to Steph and they were out the door.
I look back at the door where Auston was but he was no longer there. By the time I was able to look around for him, two strong arms come around me from behind and lifted me into the air and I left out a squeal. Once he put me back on the ground I turned around to look at him and his arms never leaving my body.
“I am so lucky to have you.” He lends down and placed his lips on mine.
“I think I’m the lucky one.”
“Nope, no way.” I laughed and unwrapped his arms from me. I went to grab our bags but Auston beat me to it.
“Since Steph and Mitch went to the dock we get first pick at the rooms.” I gave Auston a smile over my shoulder. “I want a room with a view.” I start going up the stairs.
“Well, I like this view so whichever room you want will work for me.” I rolled my eyes and kept walking.
Well, it turned out boy rooms have great views. I was unpacking a little bit. Auston went down to the dock because Mitch called him out there. Steph came in and asked if I wanted to help make dinner. I told her I would be down in a bit.
I looked out the window and see the boys sitting in the chairs on the dock with beers in their hands just talking and I couldn’t help but smile. I love seeing Auston like this, just relaxing not worrying about anything. During the season he is always stressed and worried and lately, he was really stressed out well we both were.
Last month I missed my period and I was freaking out a bit. Auston was away on a road trip and I was at the house alone. I took a test and it was positive. I was freaking out when Auston got back home. I didn’t want to tell him a first because I didn’t know what he would do or what he would say. I didn’t have to tell him he found the test in the bathroom. We had a long talk about how everything would be okay. He said he would never leave me or our baby. The next week I went to the doctor and they said I wasn’t pregnant that it was probably just a false positive. Auston and I were both happy about the news. We both said we wanted kids but we wanted to wait a little bit and maybe be married before we start a family but we wouldn’t be mad if the family happened before the wedding.
“Y/N! Are you coming down?” I heard Steph yell up at me. I put the last pit of clothes away and went downstairs.
We started cooking for the four as we were singing to the music we put on and dancing around. Neither one of us heard the boys on him until the started laughing at us. I went over to Auston and pulled him against me and started to sway my hips. He placed his hand on my hips and we danced to the beat.
The next day Steph and I were the first ones up so we decided to get I bikinis on and out layout on the dock. I wasn’t sure how long we were up there for but we started to he guys voices get closer to us we thought it was Auston and Mitch so we sit up and look and I wasn’t it was two random guys running along the water. They must have heard or seen us because they stopped.
“You ladies live here?” The point up to the cabin we were staying in.
“Not just here for the week with our boyfriends,” I say right away. I didn’t want them getting the wrong idea. I knew Auston get jealous easily.
“We there is going to be a party down at our dock tonight you all should come back and hang out for a bit.”
“Yeah we will see,” Steph says and they start running again. We look up at the cabin and see both Auston and Mitch standing outside with their arms crossed their chests.
“Well, we are going to hear it. We better go up there.” I stand up and grab the towel I was on.
“I know how jealous Auston can get so good luck,” Steph says as she walks next to me.
She and Mitch both have seen how jealous Auston can get. There have been many times I will just be talking to somewhere and Auston will come up and put his arms around me to let the guy know that I’m taken, even though I have already told them I was seeing someone.
By the time we got back to the cabin, only Mitch was there waiting for us. “He went upstairs.” I nodded my head and went here my jealous boyfriend was.
I opened the door and she leaned against the frame and looked at the handsome man there that was getting dressed. “You know you’re hot when you’re jealous.” Auston turns around his me a death look and continues to get changed. I sighed and walked over to the bed and sat down. “Those guys were inviting all fours to a party they are having at their dock tonight.”
Auston looked at me and sighed. “I get jealous too easily and I’m working on it but it’s just hard. You could have someone that doesn’t travel so much for work and its training all the time. You could have someone at having a nine to five job and that is home on the weekends and-“ I stood up and shut him up by kissing him.
“I don’t want someone that has a nine to five job. You keep me on my toes. You surprise me at random times with random things. I love going to your games and watching you play. I am proud to say that number thirty-four is my boyfriend. I don’t want anyone else.” I kissed him one more time. “Now stop being jealous and let’s enjoy our week away.”
Auston went in for another kiss and we made out for who knows how long and neither one of us cared. I felt his hands go up my back and the back of the top and untie it. We were in our room for the rest of the afternoon after the top came off.