i don’t deserve it ▹ j. hughes
title from this song!
you knew what you were getting into when you started seeing jack. he was in high demand. everyone was talking about him and how he was set to go first or second overall in the draft and you were supposed to be there to support him. you didn’t mind it because you loved him.
from the long trips away with the team, from wins and losses, to interviews as the draft creeped closer and closer and even up until the draft you were there for him. that was your job.
then, he started to distance himself from you. when he got back from new jersey and you went to see him, he was just off. you asked him about it, but he had just shrugged it off and changed the subject. you asked his parents, quinn, and luke about it, but they said he seemed fine around them.
it was only around you.
when you woke up that morning the first thing you did was text jack to see if you could come over.
sure, he responded. his usual enthusiastic replies long gone.
you dropped your phone on the bed before sighing. you’d had had the conversation with yourself that the end of the road was near for you two many times by this point, but it still drew tears to your eyes every time. you throw off the covers and go take a shower, putting on your sad playlist. when you get out of the shower you walk into your bedroom, jumping when you see your mother sitting on the edge of your bed, “are you okay? i heard country.”
you chuckle before nodding, “i’m fine. just came up in shuffle i guess.” you shrug and she nods, standing up and leaving the room.
you shut the door behind her and sigh. you go to your dresser and grab what you needed before dropping the towel on the floor and changing. you slip on some shoes before grabbing your phone and purse and trot down the stairs. you stop on the entrance of the kitchen where your mom was, “i’m going to jack’s.”
“okay, babe. drive safe.” she says and you nod, grabbing your keys from the bowl. you get in your car and put on your more upbeat playlist before pulling out of the driveway.
on the drive over, all you could think about was what you were going to say. when you pulled into the spot besides jack car, you shut the car off and just sit there. your head was racing and your pretty sure you were shaking.
this needs to be done, you told yourself, opening your car door. you go in through the garage, knocking on the door.
when jack came to the door, he looked confused. “why did you knock? you can come in whenever, you know that.” he walks into the kitchen with you following behind.
“jack,” you say, dropping your keys on the counter. he turns and looks at you, “we need to talk.”
“oh, god,” he sighs, taking a seat at one of the chairs at the island. “about what?”
“i just need to know something. when i leave for college and you go off to jersey, is there gonna be something to hold on to?” you ask. “is there anything left here between us?”
“why would you say that?” he says, his face and voice both showing the most emotion you’d seen from him in weeks.
“you’ve changed, jack.” you say. “and not in a good way. you’ve grown so distant from me. i’ll be standing right beside you and feel like we’re miles apart. that’s not how a relationship is supposed to feel.
“i thought maybe it was collective. maybe it wasn’t just me you were acting like this towards, so i asked around. everyone says that you’re your normal, happy smiley jack around them, but the second you get around me it’s like a switch.
“i just need to know now, because i’m tired of crying over it.” by the time you’re done, you feel like a weight was lifted off your chest because you’d finally gotten out what you’d been holding in for weeks.
his head falls into his hands. he mumbles something that you can’t hear and you ask him to speak up. “you deserve better than me.”
it’s your turn to look confused.
“you deserve someone that can be there for you, all the time. someone who isn’t gone almost every other day. someone who won’t put you through this,” he waves his hand in between the two of you. “you’ve given me so many second chances and i keep taking them for granted. you deserve someone who won’t do that.”
“jack,” you sigh out.
“i can’t put you first, y/n. the entire time we’ve been together, you’ve always been put second and i feel like shit for that. and now you’re crying about how much of an asshole i am. jesus christ,” he runs his hand through his hair.
you move over to sit beside him, rubbing his back, “i knew when we started dating that i wasn’t gonna be first. i didn’t, and still don’t, care because i had you. be honest with me, jack, do you want to break up?”
he shakes his head, “obviously not, but you deserve better than me, y/n.”
“how about you let me be the judge of what i deserve, jack?” you say and put your hand under his chin, forcing him to look at you. “i love you. i don’t want anyone else and i don’t care that you’re gone a lot.”
“i care,” he says which causes you to sigh.
“we’re not going to keep going back and forth. if i didn’t want to be with you, i wouldn’t be with you. you’re perfect for me, jack.”
“are you sure?” he asks, eyes boring into yours.
“i’m positive, jack.” you assure, pulling his face towards yours for a kiss “next time you think you want to be an asshole to try and run me off, just break up with me instead. it’ll hurt less.”
“it won’t happen again. i promise.”