(905): Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I’m not even all that torn up about it.
(574): I’m sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
(716): When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it’s implied that he’s going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
(919): Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
(614): hes that one kid that offers to spoon after staring at you for 5 minutes
(612): There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
(763): like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
(909): Yeah if I don’t text back. I’m eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty.